i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
