dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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