the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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