...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
