Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
