party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
