She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
