my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
