Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
