Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The beer is more important than you right now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
