Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
