mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
