If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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