the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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