Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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