Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
