I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
