my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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