What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
