His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
