that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
