someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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