nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
