Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize