I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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