smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
