Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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