Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need moral support for this bender
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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