dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
