I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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