Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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