Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
