Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
