when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
