I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
