IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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