Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
