Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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