Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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