I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
