I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
