You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
