Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
