I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
