She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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