I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
