please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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