What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
well you can't waste a boner
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
