1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
