dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
