I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
