Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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