oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
