I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
