Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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