my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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