I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
time to smoke my breakfast
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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