party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
