since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
