drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
