I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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