We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
