that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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