Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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