I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
