I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
