Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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