If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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