Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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