i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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