It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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