marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it's like iHOP with fire
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
