My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
