dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
