oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
