Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
