Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
